Thursday, April 30, 2009

What I want to be in my next life...

OK, so the subject of reincarnation is a touchy one so I'll cruise on past that. But IF there is a such thing as "coming back" I want to come back as a well treated house cat. I've been observing mine over the last few months and have concluded that I want to be one of them. If you look to the right you'll see a picture of my love kitty, Abbie. No stress there, eh? Her hard day consists of finding different positions to sleep in, sun bathing in a window of her choice, eating, being petted and cuddled, bathing, pottying and it starts all over. For the most part she runs the house. She's allowed me to live with her for almost 10 years. Although she's grown quite "fluffy" she's still a spry ol' girl. Has her "Tiger in Jungle" moments every morning and every evening. I sometimes wish I could see from her point of view.

Above, you can see Zeus, my Lilac Point Siamese. However, after visiting the zoo, we've collectively decided he is a Siamese Ocelot. This cat is huge. Not the brightest bulb in the chandelier but I have to say he is one sexy cat. I swear when he walks through the house I hear "I'm too sexy for my........" playing. He's very cross-eyed and quite blind but he's the MAN I tell you. I sometimes wonder if he just plays dumb. Why, you wonder? Because if he's not let into the house in an acceptable amount of time he rings the doorbell. No really, I have witnesses. He rings the doorbell.

What a life, no? No bills to pay, no chores to do. The ability to ignore people and be cranky when one wants, demanding if one feels like it and stand-offish at will and no one has any expectations of accomplishment. Someone erks or annoys them they just do a bite-by or a quick little swipe of the paw, hide, then come back with a sweet meow and an undeniable loving face. No repercussions for being a brat and the ability to make the person feel guilty for your bad mood. As a woman I sincerely admire that power. Yes, the more I think of it the more I want to be a well taken care of domestic house cat in my next life.

Peaceful stillness renews the soul
A moment to center oneself and reflect
Early morning breeze and dew
Enjoying nature at it's best

Borrowing some of Yira's Early Morning Peace

The children are off to school with minimal fighting. I'm in my home office doing my morning routine; checking email, bank accounts, etc. Scanning my blog. One cat is on the floor by my feet close enough for me to rub a toe on her now and again and the other is passed out in a chair to my right. I'm waiting for the plumber (again) to unclog the guest potty.
Outside it's still cloudy and grey, but the birds are out and the squirrels are feeling frisky. I could sit on my deck for hours and watch the squirrels play. I'm silly enough to do the voices for them. (Yira! Do you remember the time we laid on the end of my bed in my apartment in O'side and did the voices for the animals on Animal Kingdom?) One of my very favorite memories.

Hugh Jackman is on GMA right now. Meow. I'd consider having his baby. Not! That part of my life is kaput. What was once fertile ground is now only a playground. (A very little played on playground I might add.) But still the man is F_I_N_E. That accent. Shiver! Little midlife fantasy right there. Purrrrrrr.

So, I really need to find a job. I'm attempting to get my business running but it's the type of business where you have to utilize your resources to build your clientele. I definitely see progression but being the impatient Cancer that I am, and female, I want it all now. This is the first time in MANY years that I've not been employed. I really do enjoy being home (most of the time) so I really want to get this lil' bidniss rolling. Check out my site:
(You had to know I'd plug it.)

Let me do my chores now. Good Day to all and may you all enjoy a little early morning peace.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Just a stranger's smile....

I have to admit that my life has been difficult the last two years. First my spouse-elect lost his job. Eventually he found a good job then I got laid off from mine. One step forward, twenty to the rear. In between all the fun things that life brings. You live, you love, you lose, you learn and repeat the process many times. In between you make it. Painfully sometimes but you live to fight another day.

Yesterday I was in Wal-Mart, having a deep "poor me" conversation with myself in my head. Mentally lamenting about the lack of money and how my allergies were bothering me and the toilet overflowed again. The dog tore up the bag of charcoal and Ty has an attitude. You get it, right?

I happened to look up and saw this elderly gentleman coming down the aisle. I'm not sure what he saw in my face but he stopped, gave me this beautiful smile that told me how handsome he must have been in his youth. He said to me "Do you believe in good luck?" to which I replied "Sometimes". He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a piece of paper that was folded into a shirt. On the shirt he had drawn the stripes of an army soldier and on the rear was a funny face with a really big nose. He hands it to me, smiles again, and says "You have a beautiful day!".

You know what? I did. Suddenly my attitude changed from "poor me" to "oh, what a beautiful day". And all it took was just a stranger's smile......


Eww. Such a question. Hmmm. Having just recently admitted to myself that I'm 40 and have some 40 p
arts that questions might just cause a book to be written instead of just a blog. I have to say Hollywood has given us quite the examples of "why" and "why not" in regard to plastic surgery.

Take Joan Rivers for example. OMG X Infinity!!! She looks like a 
mannequin! I saw her on Celebrity Apprentice and had to really look hard at her face to see her eyes. What plastic surgery didn't stretch and pull her heavy makeup covered. Yuck. One for the "Hell no" side.
Then you get the young ones like Ashley Simpson-Wentz. She had quite the snoz on her that took away from her beautiful eyes. (She not alone on the big snoz thing, beeeeLieve me!) Since that little facial enhancement, my opinion is that she's really very pretty now.

I think if I had the money and/or the courage I would have a nose job done along with a wee bit of a facelift, neck lift, boob lift. I'm fine with the size of 
my girls but I'd really like to have them looking more skyward again rather than nodding at my feet. I'd get some veneers on these fangs with a quick
ness. Maybe plump up these lips some. Brow lift. I could benefit from a personal trainer too (Yira!). I mean, I'm still a hottie for 40, almost 41, but if I could do it all with the benefit of surgery I think I would. The teeth and brow lift fer shur.

Question prompt sponsored by Mama's Losin' it!! Click on the picture to read what others have to say.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

One day closer...

Last year my girls and I discovered something we will do our best to do every year. River tubing down the Guadalupe River. OMG!!!! 15 dollars a person, sitting in an inner tube floating down a river. Last year we tied our tubes together and had a total blast. We floated for about 3 1/2 to 4 hours. One can also rent a tube to put your cooler full of BEER on it. We took packages of lunch meat, crackers, home made trail mix, juice and water and had the most fun. The river was still rather cold but after a few minutes WHO CARES? This year we have more family and friends going with us so we should really have a good time. We're heading out early Saturday morning, taking the two hour well worth it ride and off we go! Talk about inexpensive entertainment. The rapids were so much fun and at some points the water was low enough to get out and walk in. Bring your own food and spend the day outdoors with your family. Little to no worry or stress. I recommend this to any and everyone.

Monday, April 27, 2009


Do you hear that? My house is quiet and I can hear my own thoughts. It's raining outside steadily, but the type of rain that makes you feel peaceful and calm. Renewing.

I think I'll go sit on my deck and enjoy a cup of coffee while inhaling the cleansing scent of nature. A mental massage. Hmmm.

Friday, April 24, 2009

I just never knew...

I come from a world were I always, ALWAYS felt inferior. I'm short, I have freckles, I was once very skinny. I have red hair, pale skin that have never known a tan that wasn't painted or sprayed on. Even then, it was never much of a tan.
I come from a childhood where the above mentioned were siblings were prettier and taller and darker and bolder and more athletic and everything I wasn't. I was always made fun of because I was smart, such a failing, I know. I was always the friend that had to be fixed up because all of my friends got the attention. I never really felt good enough to be close to someone. I've pretty much carried this into and through my adulthood. I was always the admirer, not the admired. So I believed...

We now live in the age of electronics. Society has invented a plethora of communication devices and programs that are used for various phases of unity. We have web cams and social societies that help us find people we haven't thought of in years or people we've carried in our hearts through the years but lost touch with. I first signed up with Classmates and Reunion and never made much of a splash, was contacted by an old acquaintance here and there; nothing momentous. Then, on a whim, after a sleepless night and a glass (bottle?) of wine I created my FaceBook account, not expecting much from that either. Lo and behold.

First came along Mark. My first french kiss when I was 14. My on again off again boyfriend until graduation. He and I have "heard of" each other through the years because our brothers are best friends. He's now married to my junior high and high school BF Cheryl. We stay in touch and I do his taxes. We're planning on getting together with our families this summer. There have been a few others since then that I've enjoyed talking too, but Mark has been the most significant. I just never knew that he felt so much for me as he's expressed since we've been back in touch. I mean, me? I actually mattered and still do, 20 odd years later. What really blew my mind is that HE remembered that kiss. Hmmm. New feeling for me.

Last week I opened my facebook and my baby sister, whom I haven't spoken with in 9 years or so because we're hardheaded, had dropped me a note. Well, I can't tell you the emotions there either. She, too, told me how much I've always meant to her and how she's felt empty not having me in her life. I have three beautiful neices and the handsomest nephew. But I have my sister again, who wanted to find me. Hmm. Hard to express that. I'm still in shock. I just never knew.

About a week ago I do my usual come home, check the mail routine. I notice this envelope that has this vaguely familiar chicken scratch on it. I looked at the return name and address and almost fainted. I dropped all the mail in the middle of my driveway and just stood there. Could it be? No, really, could it?
It was.
I took two days to open the envelope. I picked it up so many times that it was getting wrinkled and soiled. Finally I mustered the courage to open it. Inside was a small typewritten letter from someone that had so impacted and imprinted my life 22 years ago. The one person I actually felt close to and shared so much of my early adulthood with. The girl who was my opposite in many ways but was one of the few people in my life that I've ever truly missed. My room-mate and best friend from the Marine Corps. Intense!!! The memories we've run through over the last few days, the laughs. I'm even going to visit her in a few weeks. She contacted me. Looked for me. Found me. Spent $7 to do it (she made sure to tell me that). Let me state this again: She looked for me and found me. She missed me. She thought about me. Hang on, getting choked up. This woman is my only bio-child's Godmother, the only person I could imagine loving my child like I do. She was the person that was there when I had my baby. True, she ran a red light getting me to the hospital to give birth but I've long since forgiven that. My mind is still doubting that this is reality. Please, Father in Heaven above, if this is only a dream, please do not awaken me.
Someone, several someones, actually felt me worthy of them. Me, the short freckled girl with the pale skin (although not quite so skinny but hey, I have a nice butt and boobs now). Mind blowing for me. Blessings for me. Suddenly that "poorness" I've felt all of my life has turned into this immense, incomparable feeling of richness, belonging. Hmmm. After all these years, I just never knew....

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Why I'm here

At the insistance (nagging) of my good lifelong friend I am here, writing. What will come out of me is yet to be seen as I tend to be an "in the moment" type of girl. If I had to describe myself I'd have to say that I'm a good hearted cynic (sp?) with an occassional attitude but always bursting with opinions. I have definate likes and strong dislikes but am usually open to another point of view. My only carved in stone opinion is: If more adults spent time teaching a child to be productive instead of just demanding it maybe we'd get more positive out of them. But hey, that's a whole other blog for me.

I've lived a million lives in my 40 years. Some lives I put proudly out to public view and others lives I hide in that old rusty tin can deep in my mind. I've had many loves, some more real than others, some more lasting, some more fleeting. I've experienced physicality, carnality, spirituality and more than a few doses of reality. I am a mother, a lover, a fighter, a friend. I can be an enemy but only until you need me then I'll but my heart on the line again. That's what I do. I still, after all I've learned, believe in the basic goodness in people. The problem with that is that the people often don't believe in it. One of lifes many double edged swords. Still, one has to have something to believe in.

I cry at movies, commercials and seeing a dad push his child on the swing at the playground. I think kissing is intimate and won't do it with just anyone. I don't believe in laying all the cards on the table in the first hand, nor do I believe that being in love with someone means you have to forget about yourself. I think life is about choices, decisions, gain, losses and is what it is. Life. Try to find a solid definition for that word. It's interpretive at best.

It's said that I'm intelligent and have a way with "words". I know that my words have gotten me deeply in trouble many times and that I have to learn to say the words that other people love. Often in defense of someone else I'll tell on myself. Might want to pop some popcorn for that one, because there is quite a bit to tell.

I look forward to meeting you and hope you can enjoy and identify with some of my points of view and opinions. I'd certainly be willing to try your opinion on, even if I don't agree.

I'll blog with you soon. The Queen B