Monday, May 25, 2009

What the Heck have I gotten myself into?

The Queen is disgruntled. I am so not looking forward to school being out. I feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about it. These, PEOPLE, in my house are making me crazy. I'm convinced that my mothers' curse worked. You know the one. "I hope your kids one day put you through what I go through with you, only worse!" I'm SURE it's working.

Let me give you a clue. Just a little "inside" on my distress. My beloved other half is TDY--Temporary Duty-- for several months. So it's just me and the babies. Both girls, one is 15 and the other is an old 12. Already feeling my pain? So we have puberty, attitude, sneakiness, hatefulness, lying, sneakiness, conniving, manipulating, forgetfulness, sneakiness X2. (Re-use of the word sneakiness is intended.) School is actually a place to go to hang out; nay, decent grades are not necessary as long as you're popular. Obviously things have changed from my time in high school and junior high because it is now considered "Cool" to be cute but dumb. I mean, fail a year means an extra year of daytime social school. Attending class on time is no requirement because you get more attention from teachers and students alike when you make your tardy but grand entrance. Merely a nuisance to pay attention in class. Saturday school for excessive tardies? Clearly another gathering day for the dumb but cute.

My fifteen year old is my super sneaky diva. She has Daddy's charm (as well as his devotion, yes, I went there.) Pretty with grande's, if you know what I mean, she can smile and make the teacher believe it's his/her fault she doesn't ever do her class or homework. Very, very skilled at the "poor me" and "Look how adorable I am" manipulation. About the only two people in the world it doesn't (always) work on is her natural mother and myself. She manages to skate through a lot of things, including Daddy's wrath, based on the above mentioned skills. Yes, I know what you're thinking, it does cause a lot of extremely heated discussions between Dad and I. He's just as charmed as the rest of the world. I, however, am not.

Now, the twelve year old. My girl, really. OK, so we're not supposed to have favorites but this is where I invoke the "step-moms'" right to choose. I am the hardest on her. I have great expectations for her and get frustrated that she's, well, lazy. It's easier for her to guess or say "I don't know" rather than take the risk of her being wrong or having to actually engage in the thinking process. She's also the silent rebel. How? you may ask. Sit down. This may take a minute.

So far this year we've replaced the garage door, pulled cat litter and paper towels out of the toilet, lost objects that were right there. Other things show up mysteriously broken or marred. I'm sure I'm missing some act of defiance in my rush to get to my main complaint: her bedroom carpet.

I spent close to $200 a few months ago having the carpets through out my house professionally cleaned. I've been fairly strict thus far about shoes, food, drinks, etc.. But alas, my precious girl has most definitely one-upped me. I walked in her room last weekend after a particularly hormonal and argumentative weekend with my little cherubs. When I walked in, it took awhile for my eyes to focus, I think mainly from disbelief or denial, on the destruction of this bedroom. My sweet princess had taken apart several magic markers, you know, where it has the long strip of inked cotton-like material, and splatter painted her room. Not just the wall, but brand new comforter and curtain set, and, best of all, the entire carpet in her bedroom. No matter what you do, magic marker does not come out of beige carpet. Nope. Steam cleaner, please. Hand scrubbing with various substances and potions makes a clean but magic markered carpet. Horrified yet? It continues.

The following morning I was awakened by "MoooooooM, the dogs got out. So I go plodding out into the back yard to check that spot in the fence that I fix (rig) often. When I stepped from my deck to the ground, several inches of water covered my feet to the ankles. Now mind you, I'd been awake all of 30 seconds so my brain could not give me a quick explanation of why I was standing in a small lake. As I blink my eyes and try to make sense of it all, I realize that my in- ground pool is just shimmering in the early morning light. How beautiful.....WAIT! The pool is filled to the very top and water is cascading over the edge. Holy cow! Suddenly my brain kicks into gear and I realize that the garden hose was in the pool, turned on full blast, and had been there since about 5:30 pm the following night. I look around my very wide back yard and realize that not only about 400 feet (or more) of my back yard is flooded but my neighbors yard is too. So I rush over, turn off the hose, yank it out of the pool with several expletives flying out of my mouth, then just stand there. Just stand there. Slowly my chin drops to my chest and I just stand there, that is, until the dogs come barrelling in the gate that had been left open by my beloved 12 year old. My mind was dumbstruck, especially since this was the first time EVER that she' d decided to add water to the pool. That's my job.

Yes, I do drink a glass or 3 of wine at night after they are in bed. I often contemplate taking up smoking again or some mind numbing drugs. If I seem to have aged in the last 4 months, go figure. I want a vacation, I NEED A VACATION.


  1. Breath in. Breath out. Have some wine. Keep breathing now...good.

  2. Question - Can you send the darlings elsewhere for the summer? Here is your mantra "This too will pass.....This too will pass.....This too will pass...."